Saturday, October 17, 2009

Just Thinking

I'm sitting here at the computer just contimplating my life. This is something that is quite normal for me. As an internal processor, much of my life is lived inside my head. What does that even mean? Well, it means very little of what I am actually thinking comes out of my mouth. Why? Fear? Yes! Many people mistake my lack of talking for being stuck up or cold. That is not my intention. I long to have friends and be able to share who I really am. Yet, that is just difficult. Often times, I just don't know what to say.

So I am thinking about life. To be honest its pretty dull right now. Drive, Work, Drive, Home, Drive, Work, Drive, Home. I go to work and I come home. So dull. I spend between 8 and 11 hours in the car each week. 85% of the dreams I have at night are about work. So it feels like all I do is work. You may be thinking that I'm complaining about work. I'm not. I like work a lot! Its just that I have let it become my life and I'm not really doing anything outside of work. Last night, which was Friday night I spent 4 hours making a book review video for my work blog. Am I required to make these videos? Nope. Does anybody actually watch these video? I doubt it. Then why the heck am I spending a perfectly good Friday night making a video? I think its because work has become my life and I am just mindlessly continuing that "life". I don't have anything else interesting going on so I just latch onto "work" because it is at least somewhat entertaining. That is just so unhealthy.

So, I've pretty much stalled on "life". I haven't been to church in a month, maybe more. I can't remember. I never followed up with opportunities to volunteer in children's ministry and women's ministry. I'm just scared of people actually getting to know the real me, and not liking that person, so I just continue with the "fake me". If people don't like the "fake me", that is OK, because that is not really who I am. When I get scared I clam up. Doing nothing is better and safer than being "known". I'm pretty fed up with that whole proecess. It works for a while, but its just not healthy.

I know that I have a purpose in life. There are a few places where I just feel so comfortable, where I feel I can just soar. Do you ever get that feeling that you are doing something that you were just ment to do? Here are a couple of those places for me.

#1: Random Acts of Kindness: While I was working at St. Johnsbury Academy, I just felt an overwhelming sense of love and pride of being part of that community. So the joy just kinda spilled over. I loved handing out donuts by the front door. I loved handing out candy before chapel. I loved surprising people with flowers or other gifts. I loved the opportunities that I had to get to know the students and to see them change. I love making people smile. People don't expect other people to be kind. I didn't do those things to be honored or recognized for those acts. I just did them to make people smile. To give other people out of the ordinary experiences that might just make their day a little bit brighter. A small break for the mundane.

#2: Children's Ministry: Being part of a church can get messy. I've worked on staff at three churches. I would say that two of the three have severley mangled my faith. While the "business side" of the church bogged me down, the miracles and work that God was doing there was amazing. Sometimes I forget all the wonderful that did happen.

I think children are capable of having truly authentic faith. At their young age they don't have all that messy stuff to cloud things. They don't have a lot of that baggage that adults have that can be a barrier to relationship with Christ. While working and volunteering with children at churches ,I have learned so much from them. I learned church doesn't have to be boring. I've learned that scripture doesn't just have to be read quietly. Joy can be external and internal.

Ok, so what does this all mean? Well, I have to get off my duff and start doing. Things are not going to fall in my lap until I start taking some steps. If you are the "praying type", please pray for guidance as I begin to step out and begin to be who I am truly ment to be.

I hate blog posts without pictures. So here is a picture

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Things I Love and Hate Right Now

Things I'm Loving and Hating Right Now!
The Mentalist

A guilty pleasure kinda show!

Caramel Apple Cider

A favorite cool weather favorite


Here are a few of my favorites. I read tons of blogs, but here are just a few!

Elsie's Blog : What a creative little artist. I would love to visit her store.

Steve Fuller: Church Experiment: I forgive him for stealing my idea, because his insight is very entertaining. He is visitng 52 churches in 52 weeks. Wow! I wanted to have a similar blog called Cin Church ( Where I would go to churches in the Cincinnati area and talk about my experiences there to help newcomers to this area find a home church)

Made In Brooklyn: This is an awesome blog. The author is a stay-at-home Mom, baker, a devine crafter, sweet, former resident of Vermont, and former teacher. She also just happens to be married to the brother of one of my best friends from high school.

Lisa Bearnson : A super creative scrappin' mom. She is the founder of Creating Keepsakes Magazine.

Cakies : Creative Eye Candy

Beth and Susan Opel: Two super duper spunky crafters

This Man!
He is such a wonderful guy. A bit crazy and odd, but he is so caring and loving. He has done such a good job taking care of me while I'm sick. Yay! He even made me homemade mac and cheese for lunch. My first real solid meal since Friday! He cooks, he cleans, he is great with children. He gives great hugs. Back away ladies, he is all mine!

Things I Hate

The Inability to Move Pictures Around On My Blog.

I've had to do this entire blog backwards. Why can't I move my pictures around like I used to?

My Hair

It's stringy, limp, and out of control. I wish I knew how to style it.

Doctors pushing shots on you.

I am not the biggest fans of Drs. right now. Ok...I like Drs. I like that I am feeling so much better. I am glad that my strep infection is on the mend. What I don't like is being pushed to have a steroid shot. Excuse me, I am not an athlete. I've had more prescriptions for steroids in the past year than many pro-atheletes have. I'm sorry steroids do not work in helping me get better. The doctor (whom is not my regular doctor) pushed me to get a steroid injection. She told me I'd feel so much better. I refused. The doctor seemed insulted that I objected. Excuse me, its my body. If I don't want a shot, I'm not getting one. Thanks! Plus after taking one dose of antibiotics and an hour long nap, I felt soooooooo much better. So phooey on you!

Bad Customer Service/ Not Getting What I order.

I went to college for Hospitality/Tourism, so I have very little tolerance for unexceptable service. Food establishments seem to be the biggest offenders. The one bright spot in the fast food industry has to be Chick-Fil-A. I have had nothing but amazing experiences with that compnay. The workers are clean-cut, they have a smile on their face, my food order is always correct, the resturants are clean, and the staff actually cares! Well done Chick-Fil-A.

I will spare you with my extensive list of unexceptable service...cough..cough...cough AOL.

Have a lovely evening!



Playing Along with Mayhem and Moxie

Playing along with Mayhem and Moxie's Tribute Tuesday!
Here is a picture of my Fall Induldence: Yummy Caramel Apples. I made them a couple of weekends ago! Yummy! I want more!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

New with Me

I'm pretty sure I have the flu. Doubt that its H1N1 though.On Thursday I didn't feel well at all so I didn't go to work. On Friday morning I felt Ok. On the way home from work I felt like a Mac truck hit me and went directly to bed. On Saturday I spent most of the day sleeping and watching movies. I did drag myself out of the house to go to Walmart. Today I feel a lot better than yesterday. The fevor is gone. Now Michael is sick. Enough with being sick.
Here is a project that I am working on.

I just have to print it out and put it together. Last Christmas I made these for Michael's brothers' and sisters' kids. I'm also working on another Christmas project but its pretty much on a standstill until our trip up north at the end of this month.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

The Smids came to visit us this week! Ben is one of Michael's best friends. They were roommates in college! What a wonderful family. They just had an adorable little girl named Anna! She is such a doll! I totally got my baby fix!

Michael was very excited to have Ben here. The two of them played computer games pretty much non-stop. We did go out to eat a bit! On Friday, Michael took them to the zoo. We had some free tickets! I can't believe it but we will be up to see them in New Jersey in about three weeks! Exciting! We've seen them a lot this year!! I'm sure not complaining.

Back to what I talked about last week. I still would like to leave Kentucky and move closer to family. Michael and I talked about it and I understand a little bit more about his reasoning, it sucks, but I understand. We are both blessed to have good jobs! We are blessed to live in an area that has a pretty cheap price of living. So maybe in 2 to 3 years we might make the jump up North. If we win the lottery, maybe less time. Ha! Ha! Ha! Till then, I really need to make an effort to get more involved here. In about a month I will have been in this area for 5 years. Wow. That seems like a lot. I have not made any effort at all to connect here. Now is the time to do that. Why is it so hard for me?

Off to make some breakfast!